You Shall be my Soviet Union

Some people (as in one person...the only other person) in my apartment suggested I write a blog.

I have nothing to say....except for .... Stephen Hawking and Soviet Union.

I was told that would do. I disagree.

Joan Didion says writing is an aggressive act or rather a passive aggressive act... especially when you involve ellipses.

I'm obsessed with ellipses. I know where they work. I drive by their house. I watch their children play in the school yard and I pay their pizza guy to update me on their most commonly chosen toppings.

Passive aggressive.

I guess that makes me the worst kind of asshole.

I'm like middle management.

I don't think I'm allowed to say management because Employers read blogs, right? Like instead of doing their business stuffs.

At work, I'm not allowed to curse in e-mails. I get a warning e-mail from the system that lets me know that not only has my e-mail not been sent out, but I've been assigned a certain point value for the curse word I've used.

The last e-mail I was dinged for I received 10 points.

You can't save the points and trade them in for neon colored Hamburger erasers.

This is the tragedy of our modern times.

Joan Didion and Anna Wintour are sometimes the same person in my head. Joan is like the emotionally accessible Anna. The gentler Mussolini.

I eat up her aggression. She doesn't curse. She doesn't need to. She doesn't use ellipses...so, I guess she doesn't need to curse. I still over correct because "being good" and "being compliant" are things I'm learning to differentiate. Maybe I turn the wheel too hard.

I'm not a writer. But, maybe I should write to learn how to be aggressive. And edit to learn how to stop editing myself.

I found on a website the top Russian stereotypes that exist. I think this might help with my revisionist self history.

1. Bears

2. Army and KGB

3. Vodka

4. Prisyadka (aka the squatting dance...part of the Michael Jackson Wii game...the part that made me feel old)

5. Billionaires

6. Mail Order Brides

7. Communists

Sign me up. This sounds like a stereotype for being awesome.

Look at me not being a writer of blogs. Making several points jumping here and there. See, I told you.

Look at how I told you.

Look at me ...

Does that sound to aggressive...

You don't have to do that.

The looking bit.

You would if I were Russian. I would too.